The Zipper Trick
by Lady Valmar
Summary: Sheppard has some down time and accompanies Rodney on a mission. He gets more trouble than he bargained for. Ship!
1. Beginning

Title: The Zipper Trick

Author: Lady Valmar

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

Archive: FF, SGAHC 

Spoilers: None I can think of.

Summary: Sheppard has some down time and accompanies Rodney on a mission. He gets more trouble than he bargained for. Ship!

**Warnings**: None, except be prepared to laugh your socks off!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis or any of the characters, so everything else is mine and therefore please ask and do not infringe nor steal my original themes, concepts, ideas or characters please.**

... **.LV. **...

**The Zipper Trick**

By _Lady Valmar

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_

**Song Inspiration**: You're the Cream in my Coffee by Mel Torme

**Quote**: "I Curse thy Zipper, I spit on thee." – Lady Valmar

* * *

Sheppard had been fiddling with the zipper on his vest for the past hour, trying his darnedest to get the blasted thing to zip up. Trouble was the zipper after being zipped up, separated. Leaving the pull handle stuck in-between the top and the bottom of the track, both sides unzipped. 

And try as Sheppard might, he could not get the blasted thing to go all the way down, so he could rezip the vest back up. He'd even tried to just unzip the vest to take it off, nope didn't work either.

Shrugging off Rodney's attempts to help him, he began to feel the vein throbbing in his forehead pop out.

If it wasn't bad enough that he was stuck on some planet whose surface was mostly bog covered, he was having the worst case of zipper trouble.

It had started out simple enough, land the jumper, go out check for energy readings and move on.

Nope nothing is ever that simple when it comes to having to watch three scientists and pay attention to where not to step.

At the second bend just before he was about to call Rodney and his two handpicked scientists, he heard a squelch under foot.

Raising his shoe up, he saw what looked like bug slim mashed on the bottom of his sole.

Yick!

If that wasn't bad enough he had never felt this sweaty before, it was like the time he had visited Florida with a friend of his before he had posted in Afghanistan.

God what a memory!

Talk about one of the most miserable memories he had ever had. No, he would be lying if he said that. There were plenty of times he could account for feeling miserable just as equally as that time. This was one of those times.

So struggling to hold his P90 in one hand, the crate he had been graciously chosen to carry in between his legs, Sheppard jerked hard on the zipper.

"Colonel, if you would just let me help you, we could get moving and be off this miserable stink hole of a place," grouched Rodney, his hand snaking back to the zipper pull and Sheppard's hand.

"No, I said I could do it myself. Jeez Rodney, what are you deaf?" demanded Sheppard.

He was in no mood for games, his shoes had bug slim on the bottom, he was sweating up a demon and he had a darn stubborn zipper.

As the two other scientists helped cradle the other two crates of ancient "gadgets" as Sheppard called it, they snickered at Rodney.

Sheppard smiled back at them, while slapping the dancing hand in front of him. With a harsh tug, the zipper's pulley tag broke off, making Sheppard grimace.

Why had he agreed to accompany Rodney? Oh right, he was concerned about safety and he was also bored out his mind, since he was told Teyla wouldn't be back for a couple days. She was visiting the mainland with Ronon accompanying her.

"You see I told you, if you'd just stop being stubborn and have let me to help, you wouldn't have you zipper stuck like that nor have the pulley ripped off either," exclaimed McKay, as he yet again reached for the zipper.

Trying hard not to snap back, Sheppard settled for a puff of air through his teeth, and a disgruntled expression.

Jiggle Jiggle…

Still nothing. Sheppard had ceased trying to stop Rodney from yanking on the zipper. What could he do?

"Well let's see, I think were going to have to removed this side first then the other side. Okay…"

"Rodney, just leave it alone. I'll get somebody to look at it when we get back to Altantis," grouched Sheppard, sneering at the two scientists who were snickering again. Only this time at him.

"No, no, It's alright. I think I've almost got it. Just one more tug and this zipper should come off in no time. Seriously, Sheppard I'm surprised you didn't ask for help sooner," said McKay, as his hand brushed Sheppard's shirt and tender flesh underneath.

Jumping back, Sheppard flipped his hands at McKay's, "Would you just stop. I don't need you feeling me up. I said I would take care of it when we get back to Atlantis."

Stumbling for the words to express his outrage, "I was **not** feeling you up! Thank you very much. I resent that comment. And if you hadn't of been so whiny about the zipper and fiddling with it for the past half hour or so, I wouldn't of been so insistent on helping to remedy the problem."

More snickering laughs bellowed from the two scientists waiting by the ramp to the puddle jumper.

"Puleeze! I was not whining. Look who's talking!" said Sheppard, shuffling farther away from McKay.

"Yes well at least I don't grumble at objects that understand what I'm saying! And here, let me see it, I almost got it down," explained McKay as he reached once again for Sheppard's zipper.

Trying hard not to strangle McKay, Sheppard drew a blank expression.

"uh ha! I think I got it. See!" screamed McKay, as he yanked down excitedly on the zipper, causing Sheppard to fall.

His frame hit the ground, landing his entire back in the same bug slim he had stepped into.

"Oh! Major, I am mean um…Sheppard are you alright?" asked Mckay, exasperated.

After checking to make sure he hadn't broken or injured himself, Sheppard sat up, "No I'm fine. Just fine. Thanks for asking," retorted Sheppard, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

* * *

**A/N**: This is just a teaser. I hope you liked. Please review if you, the readers, want more, like a sequel or a chapter-ed fic. 


	2. Fun un ny Issshoos

**A/N**: As per request of Julia on SGAHC, I'm writing this as a sequel to 'The Zipper Trick'. Hope you all enjoy. I'm having so much fun with these two characters. On a side note, yes I originally planned for the zipper issue to be his fly not his vest, but I thought that would be saved for a later sequel or something. And I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

... **.LV. **...

**Part 2:**

**Fun un ny Iss-shoos**

By _Lady Valmar

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_

Song Inspiration: Hey Ya! By OutKast

* * *

Rodney couldn't have had it better; he had just found the discovery of lifetime. 

Bog, Bog and more Bog!

He was so enthusiastic that he even jumped up and down and screamed his delight at Sheppard.

No sarcasm intended. Hah! 

He had just finished his readings with tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum when he had noticed Sheppard jerking the zipper on his vest.

He tried to be civil but Sheppard refused to listen to him, and kept tugging on it until he busted the zip. So when he jerked it while Sheppard moved, it unstuck. Only problem was Sheppard had landed in the biggest pile of alien slim he had ever seen. He really didn't want to think what was in that stuff let alone, what kind of stench it was letting off.

Admittedly Rodney knew he probably shouldn't have been so persistent in helping out with the zipper. He thought, why not, Sheppard had had to carry that crate and looked bored so Rodney figured it would be considerate of himself if he helped with it, but nooo, Mr. I-don't-need-help had to be a jerk about it.

So here they were, Sheppard shakily getting to his feet while Rodney found himself suddenly backing away.

"Oh! Major, I am mean um…Sheppard are you alright?" asked Mckay, exasperated.

After checking to make sure he hadn't broken or injured himself, Sheppard sat up, "No I'm fine. Just fine. Thanks for asking. And it's Lt. Colonel, in case you've forgotten." retorted Sheppard, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh come on Sheppard, it was a harmless mistake okay, and it's not like…um Sheppard?"

"You knowss" said Sheppard, suddenly slurring his speech, "I thank…no tinks ow showuld liz tens nexsxxxt tim ow dew summting ike tat geinsssszzss."

His body lurched forward in jerky movements as he fell onto the mossy dirt, his head banging against a rock.

Rodney felt panic flood his system. No, oh no.

"Sheppard? Sheppard?" yelped Rodney as he scrambled to lay his hand on Sheppard's back. Checking for a pulse, to Rodney's relief, thrummed strongly. He yelled for assistance from the two scientists that had accompanied him.

Slinging Sheppard's arm over his shoulder, the other scientist by the name of Mak? Helped take Sheppard's other arm. Between the two of them they hauled his limp body to the jumper.

Rodney dreaded to think that Sheppard wasn't going to make it. God knew they had both been through enough crap to last them a lifetime. So when Rodney had to fly the jumper, complaining though he did, he still did it. Hoping with all hope that Sheppard would be all right.

That's when Sheppard woke up, a look of euphoria on his face, giggling. The one scientist, Mak, was beginning to grin stupidly.

Rodney began to pull up on the controls only to find that something was holding down the jumper.

"Sheppard, you all right? Sheppard?" said Rodney, over his shoulder, yanking down on the controls.

When he didn't respond right a way, Rodney yelled to one of the other scientists, "Hey Mak? Yeah um Mak is he all right?"

"I _giggle_ don't _giggle _know."

"What! What do you mean you don't know. Oh forget you, um you whatever your name is, how is he?"

The second scientist began to chew on his nails while responding, "I have no _giggle_ idea. You _giggle_ know _giggle_ McKay your such a _giggle_ a _giggle_"

"Your a _giggle_ a werido!" supplied Sheppard, stumbling to his feet, smacking the giggling Mak.

The jumper refused to pull free of the slug or whatever it was, so Rodney gave up his efforts on pulling the controls upward. Swiveling his chair around, he eyed the situation before him. Two scientists were on the floor of the jumper giggling, and Sheppard, with a possible concussion, was banging his hand against the wall, _drooling_.

"Colonel? Oh great you guys think this is funny. He could have a concussion. Sheppard, oh that's disgusting. Sheppard? Sheppard!"

"Yesh! McKazzeyish yowou noos ow yoow er sophf fun knee, trrgh trrgh try ying ing ttwooo tug onmys zzzipper ike tatt. Dew youow waaantah twooo tug on mys other zzzzipper?" giggled Sheppard, moving around like a drunk.

"This is not good! NO, of course not Sheppard. Okay what to do?" Said Rodney trying to reach Sheppard who was patting the head of one of the scientists on the floor while, smiling like an idiot.

"youoww coid ld t rrry be ying ing naaa iccc er ttwoos mes."

"Sheppard! Get a grip. Oh jeez, Mak and you, whatever your name is, help me to get him sitting down. Hey! Are you even listening to me?" said Rodney, tightening his grip around Sheppard's wrist.

"OWWWWW McKayish yourrs hhaa err ting mes. Oh! lookey atis tat, I sees stttarss. hahahaha" laughed Sheppard, slingling his arm around Rodney's shoulders.

"Rodney _giggle_ I think _giggle_ wes are_ giggle_ under the _giggle _the the influence of the _giggle_ of the_ giggle_ evil, _giggle_ alien _giggle_ slim," said the scientist as he began to slap his colleague, while he giggled in a very girly manner.

Rodney helped Sheppard to settle down on one of the benches while he looked at the screen of the jumper to see if he could get a better idea of what was holding the jumper down.

"OWS Lookies theeerees sooo prettiesy _giggle_ McKayesszees youows soooers...weirs did," said Sheppard as he shot back up from the bench slapping McKay on the shoulder and pointing to the glowing signals on the screen of the jumper.

Rodney threw his hands up in the air. Sheppard did a mock version.

"Rodddin knees Youssowws hasssh…maddess a fun ny knees!" squealed Sheppard, as he tried to smack Rodney in the back of the head.

What am I going to tell Elizabeth or for that matter Carson? Also why hasn't the evil alien slim affected me. Thought Rodney, as he tried to shove off Mak, who was trying to stick his finger in McKay's ear.


	3. Not my Fault

... **.LV. **...

**Part 3:**

**Not My Fault**

By _Lady Valmar

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_

**Song Inspiration**: Arabian Nights by Aradia & DJ Zen

* * *

Rodney had just finished trying to contact Atlantis while having three very souped up men sing about the hot women on Atlantis in the background. He had given up after the fifth attempt at the encore of the song. Deciding that if he couldn't contact Atlantis he might as well try and fix them out of this mess himself he ran several diagnostics on the jumper while dealing with an Sheppard, who was playing with the jumper controls and making zoom zoom sounds. 

"Hey Rodders do you thiks this ish the wight way?" asked one of the scientists, who Rodney had given up on trying to remember his name, so he called him Tweedle-dee.

The other one, with whom Rodney was slowly losing patience with, he called Tweedle-dum. Why was it this slug had affected all of them except himself? And why couldn't he seem to get the jumper to move?

Rodney tapped his foot for a bit, thinking about possible ways to dislodge the jumper without damaging it's rear exterior. He then realized that both Tweedle-Dee and Dum were mocking him with the same matching expressions and tapping feet.

Tiffing at them in frustration, Rodney resisted the urge to poke Sheppard in the arm for trying to chew on the left side of the drive handles.

This was just getting ridiculous, all he had wanted was to get back to Atlantis and analyze the data he had collected. It just wasn't adding up, the drive pod's showed power was reaching them but the jumper was not moving and the pod's clearly were not even firing up.

While trying to edge around Tweedle Dee, who was very clearly trying to groom Tweedle Dum, Rodney shook his head. He was getting nowhere fast, and it was only a matter of time before any number of problems could pop up. One of them being the Wraith.

Rodney pulled the tablet's plug out from the console as he moved to the one in the back of the jumper. Suddenly feeling Sheppard's hands wrapping around his waist, Rodney jerked away. Sheppard grinned lazily and slapped him on the back.

"Yah know Rodders, yuuu shhhhhould ddd dah woook wokkkk worrrk outtt tah mmmoo re!"

Then as if he was drunk, Sheppard walked zig-zaggidly to one of the benches near where Rodney was heeding toward.

Rodney sighed, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

Several hours later

Rodney still hadn't found the problem except that the alien gunk somehow was holding the jumper firmly in place. While he was a scientist he didn't really know how to dislodge the slug off of the jumper and dealing with three complete loopy people. His patience was wearing thin.

Finally, Thought Rodney, as the two Tweedles settled in to sleep on the bench across from where he was working. Now If only Sheppard would take the hint and settle down to.

As punched in another command, hoping that at least he could make communication work to relay to Atlantis the nature of the problem and possibly get medical help for the three lop-sided drunk men around him. Sheppard leaned against the compartment door entrance, a silly grin tugging at his face. Clearly, after five times of trying to swat at Rodney's moving fingers on the tablet was not enough to deter him from doing it some more. Rodney however had other ideas.

"Sheppard would you please stop. If you were in your right mind I wouldn't have to play your babysitter. You and your insistence on that damn zipper and then your complaining about how much longer is it going to take, could you have my Butterfinger is...STOP IT NOW! Now...if I remember correctly we have 7 drones left to use, if I can guide it manually I may be able to get enough of a blast to essentially shoot off the clinging slug. But if that doesn't work we could end up blowing up ourselves... so if I...no that wouldn't work...SHEPPARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD..."

Mockingly Sheppard, matched Rodney's volume in a squeaky voice, "Sheppard...for crying out loud!"

Rodney growled out his frustration which Sheppard returned blowing a bubble at him. Rodney put his head in his hands, he was either going to strangle Sheppard or he was going to need serious therapy later. No, he thought, Sheppard and the Tweedles are going to need serious therapy. At least one thing I now have something to black mail him with later.

Rodney grinned profusely.

Rodney laughed at his use of the word Tweedles. Feeling very clever, Rodney grinned and soon found himself sneering at Sheppard, who had been poking his shoulder during his thought process.

That was it he was going to use this whole fiasco as black mail. Of course he would need proof. Rodney drifted off, fantasies of having Sheppard give him all the chocolate he had stored...and bringing him coffee when he demanded it...and this was getting him no where, he needed to figure a way to get them off this stench of planet. He needed a plan.

Rodney snapped his fingers as he retreated to his pack near the Tweedles. Lying inside was his camera. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about blackmail and jokes at a time like this but truthfully he couldn't resist it either. Flipping it on he aimed the camera at Sheppard who was sucking on his thumb contently.

Panning his camera over the Tweedles who had curled up upon each other, snoring, he smiled...now this was priceless. He could amuse himself with this for days to come. Returning the camera to Sheppard, he asked Sheppard if he would give him his entire chocolate supply. To which Sheppard nodded and supplied a slurred yes.

Rodney smiled again, "Are you sure Sheppard? I wouldn't want to have conflict later about it with you."

Sheppard looked up from his thumb sucking again to say, slightly muffled, "No...ittt's oooo kay Rodders..."

Rodney stopped the recording and backed the tap up, a scowl on his face. Rodders...gawd he hated that name! Throughout the whole taping he felt a small bit of guilt, after all it wasn't really Sheppard's fault he had landed in that slug or that he was acting the way he is but also Rodney couldn't help it. He knew if their places were switched Sheppard would probably do the same darn thing to him, no guilt whatsoever.

Pressing record, Rodney asked again, "Now Sheppard you should be more polite to your better. And remember it's Rodney not whatever it is you keep calling me. So Are you sure Sheppard about giving me all of your chocolate supply, remember you can't take it back, it will be mine to keep."

Sheppard scowled back at Rodney, his thumb now dripping with salvia at his side, "Okay...Roooddddd kne kne kney! itt ittt ittt's ooo kay!"

Rodney pressed the stop button, then flicked the off switch on his camera. Now he could get back to work. Smiling as he tucked his camera back inside his pack, he turned to find Sheppard pressing buttons on his tablet. OH No! Rodney rushed to shove Sheppard's slimy hands away from it but before he, the jumper lurched forward, sending everyone sprawling on the floor.

"SHEPPARD YOU IDIOT YOU'VE GONE AND...and...you made the jumper move...how did you do that?" asked Rodney, as he slowly got to his feet. Then a beeping emitted from the front console...racing to it he saw they had moved but the slug had seemed to move with them...that was hardly the worst of their problems. On the screen, very clearly Rodney saw a Wraith Cruiser headed towards them.

* * *

**A/N:** I know short. I will try and add on more later on this week. Right now I need a break from writing…ugh backache! 


	4. I Can Fix This

... **.LV. **...

**Part 4:**

**I Can Fix This**

By _Lady Valmar

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_

**Song Inspiration: **

The Great London Traffic Warden Massacre by Morcheeba

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Rodney scrambled with the jumper controls, trying to cloak it. When at first he realized the jumper had indeed cloaked itself, the only problem he could see was well…ah I dunna no…the sludge that began to slowly swallow the whole back half of the jumper and mould itself to the jumper's form.

Rodney shook his head frantically. "Not good. Not good! We are so dead! Sheppard stop that!" said Rodney as he slapped at Sheppard's dancing hands that were reaching for the jumper controls again drunkily. "Wait I know…"

Rodney's characteristic hand gesture of a pointing finger made Sheppard back away and shake his head. Making several beeps with his stylus on the sketchpad while hooking up several leads to and from the main control crystals on the upper console, Rodney grinned as the jumper indicated it had cloaked itself and the sludge along with it.

"Ta-da!" said Rodney, feeling relieved.

Turning back, Sheppard squealed, "TA-DA…da….ow my head…Rodney what the hell is going…on?"

Slowly Rodney turned to face Sheppard, rubbing his head.

"You're not saying dumb things…or acting crazy…your back to normal?" said Rodney staring in disbelief at Sheppard.

"Of course I'm back to normal…and dumb things…? I am not crazy…what the hell are you going on and what's happened so far…my head it's so fuzzy."

"You and the Tweedles," said Rodney, "got effected by the sludge, slim…whatever it may be that you slipped in…I think…in any case your back to normal and that's what counts."

Sheppard winced at Rodney. "What do you mean that's what counts? And Tweedles what the hell are you talking about Rodney?"

"The…the…Tweedles," said Rodney gesturing at the two slumped scientists in the corner, who still slept close, snoring. "Just so you know…I…ow…just never mind. Okay, so now that your in your right mind…"

"My right mind?" echoed Sheppard, glaring at Rodney.

"Look you might want to know that there is a Wraith Cruiser headed our way…but that's not the least of our problems."

"Okay what's the least of our problems?" asked Sheppard, as he headed back to the jumper controls.

"No look, flying this puppy out of here isn't going to work, I've already tried…when you were singing about hot women with the Tweedles but it didn't work."

"Excuse me?" said Sheppard, his brow furrowed.

"Yes yes…singing…you heard me…the three of you did more than that…don't worry my lips are sealed of course for a price."

Sheppard cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. "Of course for a price…but now's not the time to negotiate alright?" Suddenly his eyes widened, "Wait…when you said we did more than that…ah…we…ah…"

"Don't worry I kept an eye on all of you…unfortunately," said Rodney as he disconnected a lead into the control crystals on the upper console.

Sheppard hunkered down in the pilot's seat. "That's good to know…so what about these other problems…aside from not being able to fly out, which I would like to know why we can't, how far away is the cruiser?"

Rodney tapped a few more buttons on the sketchpad before he turned back to Sheppard.

"Okay so there are other problems…yes well first things first we are cloaked so they won't see us but that really isn't what has me concerned," said Rodney, then gesturing to the back of the jumper he continued, "It's that sludge or whatever you want to call it is somehow holding down the jumper."

"It's what?" said Sheppard, suddenly feeling like he really should have stayed on Atlantis.

" It's acting as more than that, I've determined that it is the reason why I can't contact Atlantis no matter how many times I try."

"How?"

"Well," said Rodney, puffing up his chest, "It's acting as a sort of dampner and not only that it appears to be sucking up the ship…inch by inch."

"Sucking up the ship?"

"Yes…and its starting to look like if we don't do something fast the whole ship is going to go under this crude version of the blob soon."

"The blob…alright well since we're cloaked, that's one less thing to worry about…just figure out a way to get the sludge off so we can contact Atlantis."

"No I don't think your listening and…oh no…" said Rodney as he turned to sketchpad, a look of horror on his face.

"What? What Rodney…we don't have time for this…what?"

"Its…the…its…the sludge is somehow draining power from the jumper…"

Sheppard narrowed his eyes, "How?"

"How should I know…does it look like I'm a specialist in identification of unknown gooey substances?" said Rodney as he raced to get another cable, while he connected one to the sketchpad and on to the inner panel near the Tweedles.

"Rodney!" said Sheppard, his patience was wearing thin.

If there was one thing Rodney was going to have coming to him it was a boot to the butt for taking so little of their time away by explaining why he can't do something.

"Okay…from what I can tell we have about 2 hours of power left."

"Well that's interesting to know… but what does that mean and…any way can't we just fix it?"

"Okay…that means we have enough for the shield but we won't be able to contact Atlantis or fly the jumper back once the power has been depleted. And since I don't have a generator or any other household appliance that I can pull out of my butt at a moment's notice that will suddenly recharge the thing…we are going to have to figure out a way of configuring the jumper so that we can have enough power to keep us cloaked while sending a message…covertly of course…to Atlantis," said Rodney as he quickly made some adjustments to the controls.

"Oh come on Rodney, don't be so hard on yourself…your good at pulling things out of your ass…now can you do it in the time allotted considering I don't know how long that cruiser is going to stick around."

"Yes but it's going to take some time…as for the meantime…just have to wait and see."

Sheppard scratched his head, "Wait and see…Rodney if we only have 2 hours until boom lights out, we need to get to work on this now! So jump to it."

Rodney glared. The gall. The complete utter gall of this man who had for the past couple of hours had been acting like a drunken idiot had the nerve to say jump to it. "I'll have you know that when and if I can get this slime blob off, when get back to Atlantis…I get my chocolate supply got it!"

At first Sheppard couldn't understand Rodney…at a time like this when they were possibly going to eaten up by goo or get taken prisoner by a Cruiser, Rodney had to choke him for chocolate supplies…then he remembered some of it…oh God he remembered his…

yick…thought Sheppard, as he made a run for the nearest water bottle he could find. Gargling it, his face made up in a disgusted scowl, Rodney glared at him.

"Oh please…so now you remember…look just keep quiet so I can get to it…you go jump to waking up the Tweedles…they are in the way."

Glaring, Sheppard resisted the urge to smack Rodney, as he narrowly tripped on a black container right where he was walking.

This was not his day…bad day…bad day…bad day…thought Sheppard, as he slapped the first man, who had begun to suck his own thumb.

* * *

**A/N:**More troubles to follow. Poor guys...muahahah! 


	5. The End of Antics

**A/N: **Ah…Talk about brain crunching eegah! Well I did it…finally. So review me and I'll love you forever and it's sure to cure the dreaded 'writer's block' I've been going through.

**Much Thanks to Jen and Ellex on SGAHC for supplying the description of the slime engulfing the jumper.

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**

... **.LV. **...

**Part 5:**

**The End of Antics**

By _Lady Valmar

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_

**Song Inspiration: **

The Great London Traffic Warden Massacre by Morcheeba

* * *

Sheppard slapped the first man, who startled awake.

"Whaaaat?" grouched the man, sitting up slowly. Sheppard eyed his hair, it was sticking out every which way. Then when he saw the position he was in, he startled and leapt away from his colleague.

"Ohhh nice," said Rodney sarcastically, eyeing the man's unruly hair. "Now move."

He pushed past the man to the panel and pried it off. Then began to move several of the glass slides in and out of the console, while attaching the leads from his laptop to its central interface.

If he didn't figure out a way of contacting Atlantis soon or at least figure out how to stop that oozing slime from swallowing the ship whole, they were screwed and nevermind when the jumper ran out of power…

Rodney tried to force himself to focus on one problem at a time but it was a little hard considering the headache he now had thanks to the Tweedles and Sheppard's noisy antics previously.

"Wat's go ng onnn," said the second man, grinning stupidly at Rodney.

"Sorry but I don't have time for explanations, so Tweedle-Dee or Dum or whatever your name is go over there," said Rodney pointing with one hand while typing with his other.

So the power was being drained from the ship, maybe there was a way to suck power from the ooze…but he wasn't even sure how to do that let alone…oh for crying out loud, thought Rodney, as Tweedle-Dum guy threw his arms around Rodney's middle.

"I love you Rodders!" He squealed, before trying to plant a wet kiss on Rodney's cheek.

"Yuck! Get off me! You sick bastard!" screamed Rodney, as he turned to disentangle himself from the man.

Sheppard smirked as he watched Rodney's attempts. This really wasn't the time to be getting revenge but really, it was just so darn hilarious to see this full-grown man, trying to cuddle Rodney, who was just shrugging off his attempts.

"No not me you idiot! That one. You! Get this idiot friend of yours to get his filthy hands off of me, we don't have time for this!" snapped Rodney, his stylus rushing across his tablet PC, as he held the man at bay with his other hand.

"What am I your maid? Do it yourself!" snapped the man, whom Sheppard presumed was Tweedle-Dee.

"Alright now. Settle down everybody," said Sheppard, watching as Tweedle-Dum began to giggle non-stop and attempt to reach for Sheppard's vest zipper. This wasn't funny now.

"Settzle…ooowww nnna…Wa…Oww…my head…" said the scientist, clutching it with his hands.

"Whoa take it easy, come on sit here," supplied Tweedle-Dee as he reluctantly eased the man down onto the other side of the jumper, on the seats.

"What happened?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Tweedle-Dee.

Sheppard was about to supply the explanation when he turned at Rodney's 'hm-ing'. "Rodney?"

"Strange…"

"What's strange?"

Rodney held up his finger as, he began to tap the tablet with his stylus. Peering closer, he noticed a noticeable energy spike in the power. Was the spike coming from? Well he knew one thing, the slime thing was draining power but that shouldn't have caused the spike.

He was picking up spikes of energy readings throughout the ship, and yet it couldn't have been from the ship itself, as its power was being drained. So what was causing the spikes? It had to be the slime. There was no other explanation. Was it trying to communicate…?

That's ridiculous, Thought Rodney, tapping his screen as he monitored the power. There was now 1 hour and 30 minutes of power left, maybe he could leech these energy spikes into the main system and once he got enough he could attempt to use communications.

So simple yet the slime was the cause of lack of communications so it would be pointless to…

"Rodney?"

"Just a minute…"

How about instead of leeching power for communications he could use it to power the cloak and… Rodney snapped his fingers but his excitement was quickly quelled when he saw the spikes dissipate.

Reluctantly Rodney pried his eyes from his tablet to look at the control crystals. Those spikes of energy if they had been able to they could have possibly friend the crystals, and that would make their chances of getting out of the situation they were in worse.

Sheppard walked to stand beside Rodney whose face was inches from the glass slide crystals, his eyebrows furrowed. "Rodney!"

"Yes WHAT!" screamed Rodney; his voice cracking as the ship lurched suddenly backwards.

"What the hell?" screamed one of the Tweedles nearby.

"Rodney? What did you do?"

Rodney looked up at Sheppard from where he was sitting. "I didn't do it!"

"Gee Rodney, could you be any more guilty?" questioned Sheppard sarcastically, his eyebrows raising.

"I swear I didn't. It's that blasted slime stuff and in case you didn't know we're having fluctuations of energy spikes…"

"And that's bad because?"

"Because…they could fry our systems…or worse damage the crystals permanently and without them…"

"We're sitting ducks, right. So can you somehow use these spikes to our advantage?" asked Sheppard, eyeing the roof of the jumper as the sudden sound of something squelching a lot like mud began to move over the metal exterior of the hull.

"Um Rodney. I'm no scientist but I don't think that sounds good," said Sheppard.

Before Rodney could supply a come back the slime in a maddening rush of squelching sounds that slurped and sputtered voraciously over the jumper's roof. As the sound ceased, the console Rodney had been working on began to pop and sizzle.

Sheppard luckily made a grab and knocked him out of the way as sparks descended right where he had just been sitting.

"What the…?"

Rodney stared at the console, the control crystals were cracked and blackened. He stared over at Sheppard, who sighed. "Now what?"

"Rodney?"

Rodney shook his head then felt his eyes drawn to the front windows of the jumper, "I don't know…their…uhh…Sheppard…look," said Rodney, pointing to somewhere behind Sheppard.

"What?"

Turning Sheppard saw what had Rodney speechless, a wall of the brown and green slime was descending down the front window of the jumper, bubbling and oozing rapidly covering what little light there was outside. Sheppard turned back to look at Rodney and said sourly, "This just keeps getting better and better doesn't it?"

* * *

**A/N:** So sentient lifeform or nay? 


End file.
